Tuesday, 6 December 2011

How to Have Great Sex-Tips and Techniques

Everyone wants great sex, but how do you get it? It takes a lot of ingredients such as having the right attitude, trusting your partner and getting over your hang-ups. Yet once you have the elements in place you can look forward to a more fulfilling sex life. From letting it happen to desire and foreplay, therapist Arlene Goldman shows us the 10 keys to sexual bliss.

Let it Happen
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You can't force sex to happen, great sex must be allowed to happen. The act of pursuing orgasm breeds performance anxiety, which then undermines sexual arousal. The idea of goal-oriented sex flies in the face of letting it happen, you may end up faking orgasms or having problems with sexual function. So relax and enjoy the process.

The Right Attitude
Give yourself permission to completely experience sex and its pleasures. That means you must let go of guilt, self-consciousness, judgments and personal hang-ups. Also, forget about your to do list and be prepared to "fully experience the moment," says Goldman. In short, "be here now."

Connect, Communicate, Trust
To feel safe and secure in your relationship, you'll have to open up and communicate how you feel. Going hand in hand with this is feeling empathy toward your partner. From here you can understand, embrace and communicate more easily. If you want something, you can ask for it. And remember to let go of grievances. "As a colleague said, for a long-term relationship, you need a short-term memory in the bedroom," says Goldman.

Feed Your Desire
Also, in a long-term relationship, desire can certainly fade. Where's that initial passion you once felt? Grocery lists and household chores often replace romantic excitement, so how do you tap into lost desire? The key is finding the triggers that lead to passion. To do that you will have to trick your brain. One thing that helps is novelty, which kicks brain chemicals linked to arousal and romantic love. And it doesn't have to be a trip to Paris; try a walk on the beach, a visit to the museum, reading poetry in bed, or just calling your partner and saying I love you

Foreplay and Afterplay
It's not about copping a feel. Foreplay begins out of the bedroom; in fact, it's about lovers connecting throughout the day. And it doesn't have to be overtly sexual or sexual at all. It can even be as mundane as helping with the dishes—anything to be more connected. And don't forget that afterplay is just as important. Rather than jumping up after lovemaking, stay physically and emotionally connected.

Safe Sex
Everyone should practice safe sex. If you have a new partner, get to know him beforehand, as you'll need to know where he has been. Try to get comfortable talking about safe sex and don't look at it as a downer. "If you're worried about having safe sex, you're not going to have great sex," says Goldman. And although you can make sex fun by incorporating condoms into lovemaking, remember that sexuality is more than the exchange of bodily fluids.

Stay Fit
People who get more sex are less depressed. But to do that, you need energy. "If you're worried about getting enough sleep," says Goldman, "you're not going to have great sex." So it's important to get plenty of rest, regular exercise and the right foods. In fact, all these things help blood flow to the genitals, which is paramount for arousal.


  1. Anonymous09:08

    Hey there, i read your article and I'd love some advice.

    Does your rules still apply if your BF was never an official one?My guy is super shy and never makes a move, but under that he's got an iron resolve. We started being 'unofficial' fron NYs eve this year and since then have done everything pretty much as if we were going out.Recently, he ditched me cause he's moving 40 minutes away, but i found out from a mutual friend that really he's gone off me like a light switch.

  2. WOW is the first word that comes to mind. I laughed and cried and threw this book because I wanted more. Lord this book had me up all night reading like a mad person. Tehehe I really enjoyed it!

  3. aliza09:51

    This book is amazing and not only helped me to satisfy my partner but also to satisfy myself in way's I would have never thought possible.This book is a WOW!!!!!!!and a must have tool for any person who want's ultament sadisfaction both with and without a partner.
    Thanx carla:)

  4. Thanks for your Recommendation:)

  5. Anna10:16

    I have to say that when I bought this book I was a little skeptical but I was soon pleasantly surprised. Fellas, this stuff works! This is by far one of the best instructional books out there. This book is about doing the down and dirty and it will not let you down.
    Thk Carla

  6. Anonymous11:03


    This book is terrific. It has a wide range of sex tips and positions for everyone from beginners to advanced lovers. My partners and I have also really enjoyed the way that the author arranges suggested positions as well as transitions between them to make sexual encounters that include experimentation inspired by this book flow well and feel natural. I would recommend this book to anybody interested in learning more about sex, especially in terms of spicing up their erotic life with new takes on old positions as well as some challenging and rewarding new additions.

  7. Randy11:05

    The hubby and I were looking for some new ideas to spice things up in the bedroom. This book had great reviews, so I though why not. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? I can't move and balance like that and I am in great physical shape. I had no idea that I would need to take acrobat lessons to learn how to be more interesting in bed. I thought sexy was supposed to be a warm and relaxing excersize not a strenuous back breaking task. The stuff in this book doesn't even look fun.

  8. Anonymous02:30

    I am so worried about my husband's sex drive. I woke up this morning and got him excited I started rubbing his privates it was pretty hard then when we started having sex I couldn't feel a thing. I am not sure what is wrong but I am scared to death of this problem. Are men able to have sex in the morning? We tried before and he couldn't do it. This morning he done the whole works but I just couldn't feel it, it was like it was soft.
    Same as other day. I did tell my husband about this a couple of months ago and since then it has ruined him but I wasn't sure what to do. We have been married for 8 years I have really went through this for 8 years although sometimes we do have rocking sex I am just scared our sex is falling apart. My husband is only 35. He does smoke and drinks about 5 soft drinks a day but he won't give up this habit. I bought some lotion stuff off of ebay but isn't helping the problem much I would like to find something that would make him hard so it doesn't feel soft...

    Any Suggestion????

  9. Not to be nasty or anything but have you tried different positions and ways. it might just be the morning thing. my husband has the same problem but its not just the morning. he has a small package but he is okay with it. we have been together for 6 years and we have one child.

    i noticed the problem early so i would do try other things i noticed that giving him oral first helps a lot but also me being on top or other positions that take the stress off of him allow for a better penetration and also a longer session because he is not as tired.

  10. There are a lot of books on sex positions out there, but this one really captured our attention. My wife and I found ourselves pouring over the book, passing it back and forth in a crowded Borders cafe pointing out to each other our favorite pages. The photography is excellent and very hot...and we found plenty of things we will be trying.

  11. thanx all of you for appreciating me and buying my products.
    Hope you all enjoying your healthy wealthy and contented life.

  12. i love you Carla :)

  13. lots of great information, sexy and fun; will be a great asset to any relationship. Was very imformative, and easy to read...
    Carla i got your email, thanx for suggestion....